Unique perspective…

Today was a rough day for me. We’ve been babysitting two of our younger grands for the last three days, which included their first overnight stay. The first night, the two year old woke up at 10pm as I was going to bed, and refused to go back to sleep until 1:00am (yelling no at me any time I told her it was ni-night time) then tossed, turned and said no in her sleep until 5:30. Last night, she slept until 1:00am, then tossed turned, reached out to see if I was there and said Grammi in her sleep until 4:30am. She must’ve whacked me with her hand at least five times. Her sister dropped off so easily, and slept soundly until her sister started crying.

Today is the last day, they go home tonight. It seemed like the littlest one doubled down on her “No” yelling and the older doubled the question asking. Many times asking a question that actually said the answer in it. “Grammi, are you tearing paper?”

I got irritated with everything. I became cranky. I gave out a few butt swats after calmly warning that I would if “no” was yelled at me again. I have always been of the thinking that as a parent, I have to establish myself as the authority to be obeyed. I have to win the fight. Once the authority is established, there is much more peace in the home. It’s so much harder doing that though when they aren’t your kids who live with you every day. When they have different rules at their home, when they are dealt with differently.

And so, here I am. They’re in bed in their own home. I am waiting here until their older siblings get home from youth group to watch them. Their dad will be working late then picking up mom from the airport. She went to celebrate a birthday with a close family friend. I really need to talk and share my feelings with someone, but I’m too tired for a phone conversation. I decide to text my daughter, who I know has some spare time at the moment, since we’ve been texting for the last hour.

This is how our conversation went.

Me: “I kinda feel like a not fun grandma today. I got cranky listening to the two year old always saying no, and the four year old asking questions that had the answer in the question “are you tearing paper Grammi?” I apologied for being cranky and told them I needed a quiet time.”

My daughter: “Don’t feel bad. If I had 10 dollars for every time I got mad and had to apologize to the kids about it, I’d have millions of dollars… and therefore probably be less stressed out and not have to apologize as much lol”

Me: “Such a unique perspective! Thanks for the giggle, and the encouragement. I needed that. I’m sure I will also feel better after a decent night of sleep. Amazing how exhaustion can skew your view of things 😵‍💫”

I hope that you’re able to get a good night of sleep tonight to clear your head and give you a fresh perspective on things. Goodnight.

There’s a reason…

While there are pros and cons to being a young parent versus waiting, I feel there is one big reason to opt for starting a family younger if possible. It is waaay easier to pull an all nighter with a sick or strong willed child when you are in your 20’s, than round the corner to 60…

This week I am getting our first overnight visits with a couple of our younger grands (age 4 and 2). While the four year old dropped off to sleep quickly, and mostly stayed asleep, the younger fell asleep after fighting it for a half hour (I’d been warned). But as I was preparing to go to bed around 10pm, the youngest started crying. A few cuddles later, I thought she had dropped back off. Wrong-O. As I tried to leave the room, the eyes popped open and she quietly said, “Grammi”. I gently said, it’s ni-night time, go to sleep. To which she answered… wait for it…. “NO”.

Three hours later, at 1:00am, she was finally asleep again. In those three hours, after rocking, gently petting her forehead, and cuddling in a very uncomfortable position (for me, she was quite comfy), I learned that: 1: she is very much like her older brother was, fidgety. I need to continuously say, “close your eyes, stop moving”. 2: she is strooong willed, and I had to win that battle. 3: I still have mother’s ears that hear every whimper and sleepy sigh of the sleeping toddler, in spite of the noise machine I turned on for her benefit (that’s normal for them, not me). I finally put one earplug in and laid on the other ear, figuring if she woke up, I would likely have that ear off the pillow.

Today, my head hurts. I’ve been sipping coffee all day, eating leftover food off their plates as opposed to real meals. Oh, did I mention that I had plans to take them to a splash pad, but after a week of 80’s and 90’s, we are barely hitting 70 with rain. Sigh. Instead we played in the sandbox, took a walk with their great grandpa, and painted pinecones. Still having a great time, and learning a lot about the girls and their routines/rhythms. And about their personalities.

Once the fighting in the sandbox started, I decided a viewing of Winnie the Pooh’s Grand Adventure would be in order while I get dinner started. I am hoping for more than four hours of sleep tonight. The fighting has subsided, my patience and hope for tomorrow renewed.

The weather should be hot enough for the splash pad, my chores will wait while we have fun. And, I only have one more overnight here! I will get to sleep again!

No See Ums…

No See Ums? I HATE Ums!

In November last year we moved into a new home in a new neighborhood. As spring approached, I excitedly prepared for enjoying gardening time in the yards. As the weather warmed, I started spending time outside. Early May had a stretch of warm, windless weather, which beckoned me to start weeding. After a particularly beautiful day outside, I felt a tickle on the back of my neck. When I went to brush it off, I freaked out feeling something on my neck, that I quickly dislodged from my skin. I was thinking it must’ve been a spider on me.

Sure enough, there were two welts beginning with a puncture mark in the middle. Didn’t look like a spider bite, but I treated it like one. I slathered them with Zendocrine and Juniper Berry oils to detox the toxins, used my homeopathy when the itching got unbearable and hoped the deep red welts wouldn’t scar. It took almost 12 days for those things to mostly disappear, and there is still a shadow of their existence. A couple weeks ago, it happened again, same experience. When I realized that it was happening at my hairline at the nape of my neck, I began to wonder if they were No See Ums biting me. I had read about them sometime in my past. They like warm places, usually at the hairline, leave puncture wounds, and can bleed.

Ahh! Maybe that’s what I am feeling when I think I’m brushing off a bug. Maybe I’m feeling a scab. Those last two bites I began to treat using Ledum Palustre, a homeopathic remedy good for puncture wounds, regardless of the cause of the puncture. Animal bites, rose thorns, bug bites, metal nails, etc. they are finally mostly gone. Then, it happened again today. This time when I reached back, I grabbed the clump, and sure enough, it was a blood scab. A new welt with a puncture in the center. Sigh. It seems that I am safe from them on windy days with my essential oil spray. But if there is no wind, they seek me out like guided missiles to the target. I need to find the right ingredient to add to my bug spray that is particularly repugnant to them, but not to my own senses.

I am hoping they disappear during the hot months or something. Or maybe I can find out if the garden has a particular feature they like and remove it. Until then, I guess I won’t be napping on the porch unless it is windy.

I hope you never have a run in with these little buggers!!

Favorite emoji…

What are your favorite emojis?

🤪🤣🌸💕🐾😵‍💫☀️

And my all time favorite: a memoji with the hand to the forehead. For those of you in the over 45 range, think I could have had a V-8. For the young’uns think “auugh! what were they thinking?!?”

A Grand Visit…

A squealing toddler.

Cherry blossoms.

Rainy days.

Disney crowds.

Legos on my bedroom floor.

Sushi. Lots of sushi.

Stunning Oya stone caves/mine.

“Grammi! Come tickle me!”

Long drives.

Quiet, early morning cuddles with a young grandson.

Sewing a school bag for the other grandson for his first day of elementary school.

Visiting with my daughter, over coffee, while driving, while walking.

Taking tons of pictures.

An adventurous teenager.

Restaurants and shopping.

A picturesque, old wooden boat ride down a beautiful river.

Time with God during a church service.

Sending daily emails to my honey.

Poop talk with little boys.

Looking through a drone catalog with an 8 year old.

Boo! Buh-bum, Ya-Ya, Bye-Bye!

A teen on her phone.

Cousins bonding.

Vending machine toys in capsules.

Hil-Larrious Songs (Veggie Tales, Silly songs with Larry)

Pokémon questions.

And sooo much more. My love tank is full. My emotions on a roller coaster. So glad to see them, so sad to leave my hubby. So sad to have to leave them again, while so happy to be back home again.

Travel time…

My daughter and her family live in Japan. When it’s my turn to visit, I have mixed emotions. I desperately want to see our daughter, her hubby and our three grandchildren, and am super happy to be able to do so. At the same time, I am super sad to be traveling without my husband. It always amazes me how humans can feel diametrically opposed feelings at the same time.

By the time I arrive, I have usually been awake for 24 hours. I’m exhausted, and emotionally weak. For me, that means easily hurt feelings, tears at the thought of home. I have to be careful until I can catch up on some sleep. I’m already very insecure about my relationship with my daughter, and the exhaustion doesn’t help.

I’ve been here six times in the last thirteen years. There are other trips I would love to take someday. Mainly Israel and Italy. But, those will have to wait. I love my daughter and her family more. I’m not sure those other trips will ever happen. But, that’s ok. Family is more important to me.

Going home also holds those diametrically opposed feelings. Grieved to be leaving my daughter and those precious grands, yet so very happy to be heading home to my hubby, my cats, my home, the food my gut is familiar with and my comfortable routines. How the human psyche can be split emotionally and at the same time be whole is incredible.

I guess I can be thankful to God that sad and happy can happen at the same time. The happy can balance out the sad and keep a person from becoming unbalanced. If we couldn’t feel sad, we wouldn’t understand how good happiness feels. Sadness is an indication of one’s ability to love. Think about that. Hurt doesn’t really happen outside of relationship. It is hard to get hurt by a total stranger.

What are my options? I guess if I didn’t want to hurt I could harden my heart, not seek relationship or cut it off completely. But is that truly the answer? What a lonely existence life would be without relationships and love.

I choose to love and to feel emotional pain, even if it is going to make me feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut and can’t breathe.

I hope that you will always keep your heart open to love and feeling.

Heavy sigh…

Well, I was going to write this on Monday and say, “yup, it’s been one of those days”, but, each day just got better. So, now I’m writing to say, “yup, was one of those weeks!”

My countdown to leaving to visit our daughter’s family had begun. As of Monday it was 13 days. And the phone calls started coming in. An engaged couple wanting to list their homes were ready to start the process. A couple considering making an offer on a piece of land decided they were ready to start crafting an offer. Another couple asked for me to show them a home. I went to my home office to start some paperwork only to find a Windows update deleted my brand new computer’s WiFi adapter. All my paperwork needs to be done online… sigh and some angry words. After having my computer guy diagnose and try to fix the problem to no avail, I decided to buy a USB WiFi adapter at our local Best Buy so that I could be working while waiting for Dell to send a technician to fix the warrantied issue. Roofers were hammering on the roof, an HVAC guy was doing repairs inside and I was managing everyone.

Someone recently shared a saying they had heard that said, “when you worry, you are practicing atheism”. An interesting concept. The idea is that if you are worrying, you are not seeing God in the problem. I was convicted, and am talking to God about this. I don’t like worrying, it stresses me out. I want to learn this lesson.

I want to pack, to do a little baking before o go so my honey has some yummy snacks while I am gone. Instead, I am working. I need to learn to be thankful for the business. I need to learn to just go with the flow. I need to learn to relax.

In the meantime, a little chocolate ice cream won’t hurt.